Wet Warmth Movement

Why is the tongue made out to be a powerful sex tool? Besides the eight muscles in the human tongue which allows it to be one of the more powerful sex organs, this primary organ of taste while kept moist by saliva, is reason enough to make these features create arousal like no other.
The kiss allows us to express compassion. Lips locking feel exciting and connected; especially when it is our first kiss.  Somehow our lips connect us to the brain and to other tingly parts of the body. Let’s take that one step further. Why do lips on our vagina and penis make sex more pleasurable? I believe the answer lies in the tongue. The combination of the rhythm, movement, warmth, and wetness of tongue and lips pressed against our body parts add more to the experience than any other body part. The tongue can defiantly explore more areas and reach more areas than most with its gentle touch. Although fingers can do the same, the combination the tongue has to offer brings so much more pleasure.
Fellatio and Cunnilingus are skills that have no set system of skill and should be acquired by practice along with our partner communicating. The key is communication so that the other knows where to lick and suck. Everyone is different when it comes to pleasure so what works for one may not work for another. Don’t assume just because you brought one partner to orgasm you are skilled and know how to bring all partners to orgasm. This statement is based on those who are dating and have had sexual experiences with more than just one person.
One never goes wrong with licking, breathing, humming in all areas until the spot is located, including the anus area. For women, our feelings jump around so what works one night may not work the next. For men it is usually simple, just below the head; however, devouring the balls and shaft adds more feeling and excitement. Always remember the combination of tongue and fingers add to the excitement of feelings, creating a combination of pressure points.
A man once told me that sex was just a form of masturbation with a sex partner.  I do understand those personalities that feel this way; however, sex with someone shouldn’t be taken so lightly. Sex is more than just bringing pleasure to someone it is creating an emotional bond as well. When having sex with another person make certain both parties know where this act is taking them. Is it for mere pleasure or is it for something more meaningful? Many confuse sex with love.
Oral sex can be tricky when it comes to associating it with love and emotions; however, when performed as a consensual act during the lovemaking process can be a beautiful and gratifying experience for the two people involved. Unfortunately, many politicians have proved that oral sex has nothing to do with anything other than a means of getting off or relieving stress or however one wants to describe it. For much oral sex is only done unto those they really care about. Again, this is an example of the importance of communication. I’m certain that when Lewinsky was sucking off President Clinton she created a stronger emotional bond towards him than him towards her. Whatever the intentions, Oral sex is something to experience.
Dokta Laura,

The Way Your Kisses Leave Me Wanting More

                                             

     What is the motivation that makes us want to be with this special person? In most cases, our motivation is      driven by our initial infatuation.

   We want to spend time with them, and then we want to have some type of communication with them.

   Most of these feelings can be attributed to the own perception of what we would like them to be.

We get with others based on what we find to be a compliment with our own lives. Because we have the tendency to allow our imaginations to go wild, all this can be very tricky. What seems even trickier is the fact that we are enjoying the warm fuzzy feelings that are stirring in us when we allow ourselves to create these fantasies.

I personally have had these warm fuzzy feelings towards another twice in my life, and neither person I had taken to the next level of marraige. I was able to put aside the chemistry and attraction and see things long term. That’s very difficult to do especially when there is chemistry in the bedroom, and the attraction is high.  By putting aside deep felt compassion, I was able to see flaws I couldn’t live with long term.  Knowing this I walked away from the relationship in order to be the bigger person. It is important to keep in mind that the other person is only showing us the parts of himself or herself that they want us to see.

Everyone is out to make a good impression. After all, do we not want to be liked?  We may choose to tell the other person everything we think they want to hear in order to impress them. Whether there is any truth to what we say does not seem to be important in the early stages of a relationship.

In other words it is not really our intention to deceive; it is just that we allow ourselves to become so infatuated with this person that we portray ourselves as very agreeable individuals.

I do believe it takes some living adult years before acquiring mature skills to last a lifetime in a relationship. Our life experiences aren’t enough once we graduated from college. We need to live responsible lives on our own and experience different walks of life before deciding on a partner.

I’ve been in long term relationships but none have convinced me to have children. That too takes discipline to decide. Just because one is in a relationship doesn’t mean we have to have children together. Just because a person makes a good partner in one area doesn’t mean they make a good partner in all areas. This world isn’t going to have a shortage of people. So before settling down and having children with a person, remember there are one too many children going through a divorce. No we can’t predict the future; however, we all have an inner voice talking to us. Someday it is going to scream at you telling you to wake up,by then make certain you haven’t involved a whole family. Make certain your not being trapped into having children.

Awareness is something that begins from within each of us. It then moves outward into the world that surrounds us. It is for this reason that we must develop an understanding of just who we are before we can understand how we relate to another.

Dokta Laura        Image consultant and life coach 

Look at the Actions

We develop expectations when we want the other person to be our idea of what we need in our life to make us happy. 

A partnership lends itself to mutual satisfaction based on mutual respect and compatibility.  We will find ourselves being more receptive to developing this respect if we go about it without expectation. The only expectation for us to have is to stay present and in the moment.

The first time people are together for any length of time, should enable us to get a sense of what kind of life he or she lives.

Ask important questions then ask you “Can I relate to any of this?’  The answers they give will enable us to see similarities or differences while still being able to enjoy ourselves in a relaxed atmosphere.

Our main objective here is to lay a basis for intimacy. I want to befriend you, so tell me about yourself.

Another principle to keep in mind is that a person very rarely and only under extreme circumstances, changes their behavior.

The importance of observing how an individual lives their life lies in the fact…That is exactly the way they will behave after we get involved with them.

If for example you like healthy bodies then pay attention to their eating and vice habits. If you like fit bodies then pay attention to exercise habits.  If educational, engaging conversation is important then pay attention to what they enjoy reading and what degrees they have.   If intimacy is important then pay attention to their sexual preferences. If financial security is important then pay attention to their career choice. I think you get the point.  What we naturally care about will show up in the partners we choose to be.

If you want to get an extremely good idea of the focus of the person’s values, become aware of what they have, what they do with their time, and what they are interested in on a daily basis.

Failure in relationships is usually due to the absence of similar interests; unable to relate to each other’s values.

“Women fall in love with what they hear; men fall in love with what they see.” The moral here is to go beyond the physical, go beyond the words, and look at the actions.

Dokta Laura

Image consultant and life coach laura@doktalaura.com

Opposites Attract

                               “I just love a guy that’s chill. I’m so crazy he just balances me out.”

There is a lot of truth to that quote. In an ideal situation, two people will seek to complement each other. They will see that what one has as a strength or skill the other may have as a weakness or ineptness, and vice versa.

There is validity to the saying “opposites attract.” An important component is to understanding not only our own strengths and weaknesses but also being aware of how the other person can complement those strengths and weaknesses.

In personality where two people are complete opposites, make certain that habits or traits you don’t like in the person isn’t carried on into a long term relationship such as marriage or at least have these discussions before marriage. When dating we seem to be more forgiving and overlook certain qualities that are important to us; however, marriage and everyday living with a certain person can make for a long time of uncertainty of choice. Even though we tend to like complete opposites, make certain they aren’t completely against your beliefs.  Another word don’t get completely involved or committed to someone whom you don’t agree in the other’s values.

I can’t stress enough how much attraction and chemistry play in a relationship. To have sex with someone who makes your heart go pitter patter is much more exciting than having sex with someone who is not so accommodating. Sex can be as simple as a touch or kiss. Mental sex can be just as good as physical sex. However we choose to have sex, make certain all parties are enjoying the experience.

I can’t imagine being involved in a marriage that was planned by family members. Not only are we not attracted physically, but we are also missing the mental connection that keeps couples together. Sometimes family can make or break a relationship so make sure you are tuned in and connected on your own terms and not because you have the approval of family members. In some cases we don’t have approval from family members and that requires accepting the person without others permission and not caring how others think as long as children aren’t involved.

Divorce rates are at an all-time high and in many cases children are involved. Children from a previous marriage does create complications so make certain when getting involved with this type of person, the children are a part of the equation. It is especially difficult to go into a relationship when only one party has children from a previous marriage. This is a good example of " complete opposites" from a different perspective. The person that doesn’t have children needs to consider a life style change.  If the party without children doesn’t want to share their life with all the family, then it is important to walk away from the relationship, because the person with children will never move on with just you. It takes a certain special person to want to get involved with a life involving children from a previous relationship.

Blended families are becoming the norm as more and more people get a reality check at what being married to the same person for a lifetime really means. The person getting involved without children needs to know truths about the not so glamorous life children can bring into a relationship. In some cases, it is best to wait till they have grown up and moved out if young needy children are something one doesn’t want to be a part of in the relationship, or simply move on to someone else.  Many things need to be processed when getting involved in this type of relationship, and thinking things through is usually not what most do when getting involved.  So make certain the children are thought of first before moving on with a committed relationship, because it will be only become more heart breaking for them to witness another bad marriage.

Opposite or not sex goes a long ways, so sometimes it’s best just to stick with sex for a long time coming, unless of course, your religion doesn’t allow.

Dokta Laura

Image consultant and life coach Laura@doktalaura.com

Contact Part 1

                                                                      

Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. You’re able to benefit from the unique viewpoints of others, without being crippled by your own judgment;

 -Ralph Marston

It is always important; to figure out who we are according to our values and the type of individual we would like to be involved with on a long-term basis. Have you really put thought into the type of individual to whom you feel are attracted?  Or are you caught in the moment of feeling accepted and that’s enough to make a strong relationship last a lifetime?  

In the begining, we want to move toward friendship with a receptive attitude. Introduce yourself as if all you expected to do was to a make a friend of this person. In essence, friendship is the basis for achieving an intimate relationship. How do we go about it?

Let’s say for example, you see someone in which you would like to meet; however, you’re not certain how to approach that person based on the feelings of fear and insecurity. If we understand that everyone wants to be made to feel important, we will go into this situation feeling much more relaxed. 

Smile, because no one rejects a friendly face. I have never seen a smiling face that wasn’t received with openness have you?

Everyone likes to be around people who can enjoy themselves. Some may perceive that as acting in a very gregarious or outgoing manner. To others, it may mean behaving in a more subdued or reserved manor. Both types of personalities have behavior styles that explain their choices..  More important someone's style is truly his or her inherited personality. Be that personality you are; not the personality you mimic in others. Stay true to yourself

We are all familiar with the different types of personality profiling that essentially classifies behavior styles. These personality profiles have been used extensively in the workplace to determine the suitability of an individual to a specific job or to the company itself. In this case, it's important to understand oneself in order to move forward and gain understanding that not everyone is like you. I have a personality test available for my clients to determine who and what style compliment them; especially, when going into a relationship. I find it’s important to know what personality’s best suite you in a long term relationship. Although opposites attract, sometimes complete opposites won’t last a lifetime in a long term relationship if one or the other isn't willing to get out of his or her comfort zone to change up the pace.

For example, did you know that Extroverts and Introverts have different styles of enjoying sex? Extroverts bring excitement to introverts, in the bedroom, because they are the aggressor the one who makes all the moves.  Although extroverts don’t mind making all the moves at first, it will become boring quickly to the extrovert when the introvert doesn’t make an effort to seduce. After a while,the extrovert thinks there is no interest in sex, when all along the introvert is waiting for the extrovert to make the moves.

As much as we don't want to admit, sex does play a huge role in our relationships and if it's not happening for both parties equally, then one or the other will soon fade into existence.  It’s important to know what you are looking to achieve, because one or the other party will lose interest after the initial “New” has faded.

My point here is to emphasize seeking a greater understanding and awareness of ourselves. Differences can either work for or against us. Each of us possesses certain strengths or talents coupled with a fair amount of weaknesses.

 However; if your intent in a relationship is nothing other than casual sex then that is fine as long as both parties are fully aware of any and all consequences and expectations. 

Dokta Laura

Image consultant and life style couch  laura@doktalaura.com

From Sheer Panties to Brains

Sheer Panties

You know those panties that are so sheer you can see right through the fabric? Yes they can create visual effect for the eyes of your partner; however, one can take advantage of the fabric and provide a nice surprise and array of feelings for the lady you are engaging intimacy.

For example, Try pressing you warm mouth on the vagina area and breathe through the fabric so that your lovely lady can feel your warm breath. Then try pressing your tongue against the clitoris so she can feel your wet mouth along with the warm breath. Tease that area until it becomes wet with ecstasy.  Next, rub the area by running your fingers up and down the vagina; enough pressure to feel the fingers, while leaving enough desire for the women to want the fingers to penetrate and feel the wetness.

After a while, slowly move the fabric to the side and lick the wetness while leaving the panties on, because this gives a sense of slow sensual seduction as though you are appreciating the process of turning the woman on. Women like to feel as though men enjoy the process of getting a woman hot, even though the end result may be to get laid. We do hope men enjoy the process of getting a woman to orgasm.

Women are all about the seduction, and because our brain waves operate differently from the opposite sex, we need a longer process to wind down and get ready to experience the orgasms provided by our partners. Men are fortunate in that they can dive into sex and get off. They were blessed with the focal point thinking process where women have brain waves that work both right and left side of the brain, that constantly moves with information and thinking processes. Our brains literally need to wind down.

 Yes men can have that one spot focal point of getting to the orgasm, while women are left with their busy mind needing to the process and  filter out much in order to achieve an orgasm. It's no wonder why women have great sex lives with other women, they obviously understand each other.

If understood properly, the brains of women and men can be quite complementary. 

 Below are examples of the gender difference:

1. Brain size: The male brain is typically about ten percent larger than the female brain. Although the extra mass does give males more processing power, this doesn’t make men more intelligent. Rather, science believes the reason for the increased brain mass is to accommodate the bigger body mass and muscle groups of the male (human).

2. Brain hemispheres: Many men are sharply left-brain dominant, while women tend to be more evenly balanced between left and right-brain processing. Women are therefore thought to be slightly more intuitive and sometimes better communicators. Men are often less socially adept, and are more task-oriented thinkers than females.

3. Relationships: Women are purported to have better communication skills and emotional intelligence than men. Women tend to be group-oriented, and apt to seek solutions by talking through issues. Men can have trouble picking up on emotional cues unless they’re clearly verbalized – making for tricky communications between the sexes.

4. Mathematical skills: The inferior-parietal lobule, which controls numerical brain function, is larger in males than in females. On standardized tests, men often score higher on mathematical tests than women.

5. Stress: When faced with stressful situations, men usually employ ‘fight or flight’ tactics, while women use a ‘tend or befriend’ response that is rooted in their natural instincts for caring for their children and establishing strong group bonds.

6. Language: Women often excel at language-based tasks for two reasons: two brain areas that deal with language are larger in females, and females process language in both hemispheres while males favor a single brain half.

7. Emotions: Since women tend to have a larger deep limbic system then men, they’re more in touch with their feelings and are better at expressing their emotions. This makes women better at connecting with others, but unfortunately also more prone to different types of depression.

8. Spatial abilities: The parietal region is thicker in the female brain, making it harder for them to mentally rotate objects – an important spatial skill. Women often report difficulty with spatial tasks, both on tests and in real life.  

9. Susceptibility to brain function disorders: Men are more likely to be dyslexic or have other language disabilities, since they’re more often left-brain dominant. Males are also more prone to autism, ADHD and Tourette’s syndrome, while women are more susceptible to mood disorders like anxiety and depression.

On average, men are more likely better at learning and performing a single task at hand, like cycling or navigating directions, whereas women have superior memory and social cognition skills, making them more equipped for multitasking and creating solutions that work for a group. They have a more busy minded approach, so to speak.

So no, we are not alike in thinking so it is important to fulfill the needs and have a better understanding of where women and men are coming from ,especially when it comes to have great orgasms. Patience is key when it comes to turning a woman on.

Dokta Laura

Image consultant

Attraction Part 3

I have to say, honesty about you is the best way to approach any relationship. Although we desperately feel the need to relate to someone somehow, it is always best to find common ground when both parties are truly honest with themselves; therefore, expectations about the person are not exaggerated.

For example, if you are a smoker and the other person isn’t nor doesn’t like smoking, be honest about your enjoyment of smoking. If you enjoy food more than working out, then don’t mention you are on a diet and you’re going to lose twenty pounds, in order to impress the other party who is noticeably fit. Eventually, reality will speak for itself, when you sit around and you eat more than you exercise, and the other who is a hard body health-conscious person continues to live by example. If you have made no attempt to change your habits, eventually they will show up in a physical manner and the phrase
“Action speaks louder than words,” will become obvious.

As much as we want to impress the other party, the facade won’t last forever. The bigger disappointment comes when both parties find out they don’t share the same values because we can’t keep living on being someone we are not.
Habits are formed at a very young age and they are difficult to change for another person. It goes back to what I mentioned prior, make certain you know what you are expecting and wanting and are looking for in a partner.

The object, or goal is, to develop intimacy and to build the foundation of a meaningful relationship. Verbal communication is the utmost importance

Thinking that someone looks “hot” or that you can feel your juices flowing is certainly a beginning but it is not all we are looking for. Not only do we want to be able to have similar values, but we also want to be able to communicate in the same style.

Unfortunately, many of us learn the hard way. We think we can dive into relationships/marriage and that person loves us so much that we will be able to change that person into our favor; maybe not necessarily men as to women. Reality teaches us that we left out much communication in the beginning, and now we are stuck in a relationship with someone whom we despise; however if we can look past things and evolve then we can recognize that we both can live the life that best suits ourselves, with individual interests. Unfortunately, people will leave the other person before working on him or herself.

The truth is we can’t be everything to that person, but we can evolve to the best person we can possibly be to ourselves as we well as others. On the flip side, I’m a strong believer that sometimes moving on with someone else to have a healthier you is just as important. I'm even a stronger believer in moving on doesn't necessarily mean with a need to move onto someone else., just have a healthier you.

Body Hair

                          

 Our Body hair, to be or not to be a part of the experience during sex is the question?   Most women and men consider a smooth surface all over if not then trimmed to minimal hair exposed.  Fortunately, in today’s world we have laser hair removal which makes areas such as buttocks or back easier to remove.  I am a licensed Laser hair removal technician, even though I don’t practice that technique at this time. During my practice, I found many women and men interested in removing hair in the pubic region.  The areas have to have many treatments before it is reduced, but the hair will stay gone for a longer period of time than shaving alone. The beauty of laser technology is it can take care of whatever hairy problems you have to deal with on a daily basis.

Why are smooth areas more inviting? For one thing we don’t get pubic hair caught in our mouth while performing oral sex. The touch of a smooth body to a woman is the same experience as a man. Men do not want to caress a hairy ass or back and neither do women; however, I can't speak for all women. While giving a body message, the oil glides on much easier when in contact with a smooth surface

Too much hair on the chest is not a turn on for women. Unfortunately, men born with hairy chests are a thing of the past, when it comes to looking manly. Most women want the hair on the chest to be completely gone or at least trimmed close. Trust me if it were up to us, we would rather look and touch chest muscles. 

 My slogan,"The chests are the Love Handles which we grab onto while having sex."

I'm certain there are those men still who enjoy having a full-fledged bush on a woman; however, I can’t imagine how sexy that would look through some see through skimpy underwear. I can’t imagine having hair stick out on both sides of a bathing suit as being sexy or underwear for that matter.

 I do know that most men prefer smooth silky lips while pressing their tongue against the vulva. I also know most women like smooth sexy balls while devouring them in the mouth.

So remember, when getting naked with your partner, “Less is More.”

Dokta Laura

http://doktalaura.com 

Attraction Part 2

Have you ever come across that certain person who’s charisma and personality draws you in and makes you feel drawn to them?  Although they are naturally attractive to others and are often born leaders and celebrities that stand out in the public eye, that does not necessarily indicate that they would or should feel any type of attraction toward us.

Very often, people are under the impression that if they feel a certain attraction for someone, then the other individual feels the same chemistry.  It can be disheartening to create an illusion of interest without any facts to support it, and proceed to act on a fabricated illusion.

A glance or look can be meaningful for two people or it can be totally one-sided.

Let us not fall into the trap of misleading ourselves into thinking that just because we are attracted to someone they have the same thoughts or feelings for us.

We always want to be sure that we put our best foot forward for the first encounter. The question is: What can I communicate to you that will make you want to see me again?

 Join me again on life lessons with Dokta Laura

Life couch and consultant Laura@doktalaura.com

Attraction Part 1

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly - Anonymous. In order for us to get what we want, we must first and foremost decide what it is we do want. This rule applies to all areas of our life and a relationship is no different. Just as a radio picks up a certain signal that is transmitted based on the channel that it is tuned to, so must we be specific in understanding what we want in a relationship. If we go out in the world with no clearly defined objective, we only set ourselves up for disappointment. The question to ask is, “What am I attracted to in a mate?" It is unwise to enter a relationship expecting to change the other person. After all, the personality that we are attracted to in the first place is the direct result of who that person is. Who that person coincides with the life that person is living at the time we meet them. They are living according to their values. It is not impossible for someone to decide to change their values, but this is a choice made by them. The more we experience and enjoy what life has to offer, the more interesting we become; the more interesting we become, the more attractive we appear Tune in next time for more lessons from Dokta Laura Attraction