We develop expectations when we want the other person to be
our idea of what we need in our life to make us happy.
A partnership lends itself to mutual satisfaction based on
mutual respect and compatibility. We
will find ourselves being more receptive to developing this respect if we go
about it without expectation. The only expectation for us to have is to stay
present and in the moment.
The first time people are together for any length of time,
should enable us to get a sense of what kind of life he or she lives.
Ask important questions then ask you “Can I relate to any of
this?’ The answers they give will enable
us to see similarities or differences while still being able to enjoy ourselves
in a relaxed atmosphere.
Our main objective here is to lay a basis for intimacy. I
want to befriend you, so tell me about yourself.
Another principle to keep in mind is that a person very
rarely and only under extreme circumstances, changes their behavior.
The importance of observing how an individual lives their
life lies in the fact…That is exactly the way they will behave after we get involved
with them.
If for example you like healthy bodies then pay attention to
their eating and vice habits. If you like fit bodies then pay attention to
exercise habits. If educational, engaging
conversation is important then pay attention to what they enjoy reading and
what degrees they have. If intimacy is
important then pay attention to their sexual preferences. If financial security
is important then pay attention to their career choice. I think you get the
point. What we naturally care about will
show up in the partners we choose to be.
If you want to get an extremely good idea of the focus of
the person’s values, become aware of what they have, what they do with their
time, and what they are interested in on a daily basis.
Failure in relationships is usually due to the absence of
similar interests; unable to relate to each other’s values.
“Women fall in love with what they hear; men fall in love
with what they see.” The moral here is to go beyond the physical, go beyond the
words, and look at the actions.
Dokta Laura
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